Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Why?

I was on my bed just now trying to sleep but I couldn't fall sleep because my mind keep thinking of my life...I wonder how am I going to face the days ahead. Now I realised that juggling between being a full time student, a mom of 3 heroes and a wife is not an easy task. Physically I feel very tired especially travelling 400km every weekend (and to be frank I'm the type of person who is very difficult to fall asleep while travelling..even at night!)..and emotionally I'm exhausted with all my 'brain torturing' assignments and assignments datelines and missing my other half and my kids :( during weekdays. Initially I'm 100% sure that this is my right decision..to be a full time student, leaving my family, leaving the comfort zone in my working lines and etc..but now I'm not that sure. Sometimes I was forced to make a difficult decision, like absent to class or missing my son's 1st day at primary school (absent means whole day absent,coz I cannot afford to be absent only in the morning and be there in the afternoon coz I am 400km away from my class)...but of course being me and I guess being every mom we will choose the 2nd option right?..and that was what I did on Monday!..hahahahhaa. Aiman 1st day at school!! I don't want to miss that..I planned to blog about it but too tired on that day, so hubby said he will do and he did it here. My first semester went smoothly as I passed all the paper I sat for the exam..Alhamdullillah and now I started to worry about my final exam and that result will determine whether I'm qualify or not to proceed to phd programme. I do feel that I have no time for myself..but I don't bother about it much, but after I watched Desperate Housewives (Oh, should I write here that I bought a complete set of season 1 Desperate Housewives??:p..which I never watch before..) I started to think about it..hahahhaaa...anyway I can't wait to finish it during my next semester break :p . Well, for now I take it as a problem that I have to find my way to solve it.. everybody has their own sets of problems right? Things never go so well that you should have no fear, and never so badly that you should have no hope...:)


pssst: is it because I'm tired and sleepy that makes me feel like this or the other way around??errr..not sure but I surely need a good deep sleep tonight :)

3 comments:

LadyJava said...

Oh dearest Natrah..
I know exactly how you mean. I was like that too when I left hubby for a year to work in SG but then it was only a year..but yours is like 4 years right? Oh my!!

You have to be strong dearie... sometimes when you think too much this is what happens.. I'm sure you have thought long and hard about your decision to go back to school and you have the support of all your family members including your husband.. so that ought to count for something.. perhaps you need to talk to your hubby and perhaps he might put your mind at ease ya..

Love
LJ :)

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Farah Deen said...

NAT...you are now inside a tunnel..so just walk tru and get out of it! Worry less and just look ahead. This feelings will keep on coming to you and NEVER ever let it distract your mind!So, keep focusing and enjoy your student's life. Definitely you will make everyone at home proud and blessed to have a mother/wife like you..not easy I know, but it will definitely be a beneficial one! Good luck and hope that you will have a very strong mind and determination.